Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
