he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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