there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
