Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
