exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
