I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
