You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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