I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
