You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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