You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
