I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
