Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
