I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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