But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just pee around me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
