$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i need some magic done to my vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
