I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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