I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
