I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
