You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
