You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
