11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
