I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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