as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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