I wish my penis had an off switch
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
