Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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