the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It all started with a game of naked twister.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
