yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
