she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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