I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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