You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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