Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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