Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
