i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
