he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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