what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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