I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
