Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
