well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
