...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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