I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
