do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
