next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
