Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
