I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
