Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
