Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
