U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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