wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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