I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
