So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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