She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
