take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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