so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
